The Baby

OUR FIRSTBORN

(true story as told by the mother)

We had just rotated to a new duty station in 1991. My husband was in a top-secret school for the Navy. And we both looked forward to the birth of our first born son. We were not prepared for the heartache that we would have to endure. As the pregnancy progressed complications set in. All through the painful delivery I kept praying that the Lord would breathe life back into our baby. But I had to face the cold reality that God didn't answer my prayers and that my son was dead. The hardest thing for me to do was to tell my husband Kevin that our son was dead. The look those words put into his eyes will tear at my soul for the rest of my life.

We were unable to attend our son's funeral by traveling the 3,000 miles to home. The three months that followed I had lost my faith, Kevin and I spent much of our time fighting. How could God allow someone so innocent to die? It just wasn't fair! When all the murders, pushers, and thieves flourished. When the people who feed on others pain and loss continued to live! I felt as if God had abandoned us.

Finally we had a chance to go home and see our son's final resting-place. We were going to drive cross-country. In Wyoming we were in a terrible fight I thought about getting out of the car. And start a life without my husband. But, that voice that we all hear but rarely listen to told me that I would find what I needed in South Dakota. To make up with Kevin, his pain was as great as mine.

The next afternoon I was dosing with my head on Kevin's lap. When that nagging voice woke me up, it said, "it is time!" I looked out the window at the signs passing by and wondered if it was a dream. All of a sudden there was a Beautiful Angel with Golden Wings just outside the window. I thought surely that I must still be sleeping and squeezed my eyes shut. When I opened them he was still there. So, I reached over and changed the radio station, to make sure I was awake and started to read the signs flashing by the car.

When I dared look in his direction he still remained, with a slight smile playing on his lips. I thought, I am loosing it, then remembered that voice in my head the day before. Telling me that I would get what I needed in South Dakota. On of the signs had read, Suexe Falls 181 miles.

Wow, I thought this is real. So I just stared at that beautiful bearded Angel. Then my logic must have started to kick in, I told myself I was seeing things and the Angel started to have trouble keeping up with us. I thought, when I start doubting what I see he is leaving. So, I was determined to believe in him and he was there again with no problem. Of course my belief did not last long as soon as I started to question my own sanity he began to struggle again. Until eventually he was completely gone.

I laid there for a long time pondering the meaning of this. I realized that God had not abandoned us, there was truly one set of footprints in the sand. He had been carrying us. I also realized that He had sent an Angel to me to restore my faith.

Now I always listen to the little voice in my head. This one he saved much more than a marriage, it saved my faith……

(Author: Mary K)

From the Heart of Angel45

Although I don't personally know the heartache that Kevin and Mary have experienced over the death of their firstborn son, my heart does ache for them. This story touched my heart when Mary first contacted me and I asked her if she would allow me to print it on a web page so that others might read it also. While I can't give an explanation to Kevin and Mary as to why their son, I can say that I too know the feeling of it not being fair that evil doers live and the innocent ones their lives are being required. My prayer is that Kevin and Mary and others that have lost their children will be comforted and that their pain would be taken from them and happiness replace it. But not only people that have lost their children, but also the many people out there that have wanted to have children but have been unable to. May you also find the comfort, acceptance and happiness that you are searching for.

PAGE DEDICATION

To all the little Angels that have

left parents behind

and have returned to heaven.

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"Special Angel"