The Saga of Ken Peterson

This ode is written for a friend,
a real good e-mail chum.
A tale that’s all about the things,
this man has gone and done.
I don’t know if you’ve heard of him,
Ken Peterson’s his name.
And flirtin’ with his lady friends,
is what has brought him fame.

You see, this story that I tell,
is absolutely true.
And Ken, well he’ll do anything,
to try and impress you.
It started not too long ago,
poor Ken was out of sorts.
Too much booze and women,
at least that’s what we thought.

But then he got a pain you know,
somewhere near his heart.
He took some Tums and other stuff,
in case he had to fart.
But still the pain persisted,
it wouldn’t go away.
Poor Ken was in a state of shock ,
when he heard the doctor say.

"It don’t sound good,
there’s something wrong,
you’re going to need a test.
Living in the fast lane Ken,
your heart is under stress."
They put him on a monitor,
and took a pint of blood,
And when the test results came back,
things didn’t look so good.

So off he went to the hospital,
to have an operation.
He flirted with the nursing staff,
and caused a real sensation.
He pinched their bums,
and kissed their hands,
then pinched their bums again,
The only thing about it though,
the nurses were all men.

They took him into surgery,
and opened him up wide.
And then the doctor started,
cutting everything inside.
He used a knife and pinking shears,
and a bloody great big saw,
He cut out all that rotten stuff.
and threw it on the floor.

And then he sewed him up again,
and took him back to bed.
"We‘ve got a right one here, nurse,"
is what the doctor said.
"This man don’t need Viagra,
his dear wife will attest,
So fill him up with *Bromide now, (see footnote)
so he can get some rest.

They put him in intensive care,
and kept him overnight.
Until they knew for certain,
he was going to be alright.
You should have seen this thing he had,
a great monstrosity.
With a tube to keep him breathing,
and a tube to help him pee.

Soon Ken was feeling better,
his heart was on the mend.
Cracking jokes and driving,
all the nurses round the bend.
They took him out of ICU,
and moved him down the hall.
With lot’s of pretty nurses,
to be at his beck and call.

Poor Ken was disappointed though,
lazing there in bed,
No sweet young thing to soothe his brow,
a male nurse instead.
So Ken, who loves to kid around,
his humour at full throttle.
Said, "nursey! could you lend a hand,
while I pee in this bottle!"

There’s one more thing that I should add,
before this tale is through.
While Ken was in the hospital,
poor Bette had to move.
She didn’t seem to mind though,
and said that it was ‘cool’
And Ken just lay there grinning,
‘cos he is no-ones fool.

She found a house on Rivers Edge,
somewhere in Vermont,
A lovely ‘Drive’ their new address,
at number one six one.
Lugging this, and lugging that,
from night till early morn.
Soon Bette had their goods and chattels,
piled out on the lawn.

She safely packed their ‘puter,
in a great big cardboard box.
And gave it extra padding ,
with Kens under shorts and socks.
And as he whiled away the hours,
not feeling any pain,
Bette lugged it piece by piece,
up hill, and in the rain.

So now the work has all been done,
the nest secure and warm.
He’s telling Bette,
"I’m better now, tomorrow I’ll be home.
Make sure you turn that ‘puter on,
‘cos I’m not beaten yet.
There’s lots of stuff I have to send,
to my friends out on the net.

Really though, I shouldn’t joke,
when all is said and done,
‘Cos Ken, you are the nicest bloke,
and such a lot of fun.
And Bette, you’re such a sweetheart,
a special lady too.
And so I’m sending lot’s of prayer’s
and blessings just for you.

(Author: Judi Whittaker)

Copyrighted ©2003

foot note....Not sure if you know what Bromide
is or not, so just in case you don't....

During the second world war the powers that be,
ordered Bromide be put in the tea of all British
blokes serving overseas. Apparantly to stop them
feeling frisky. Some of those old vets have noticed
that the bloody stuff is starting to work!

PAGE DEDICATION

To My Friends

Ken & Bette

A Special Thank you to Judi Whittaker for the use of your poem.

Copyrighted © April 05, 2004 by Angel45_2B

All rights reserved

SONG TITLE

"Roly Poly"