Is there a magic cutoff period when offspring become
accountable for their own actions? Is there a wonderful
moment when parents can become detached spectators
in the lives of their children and shrug, "It's their life,"
and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital
corridor waiting for doctors to put a few stiches in my
son's head. My mother was with me. I asked the nurse,
"When do you stop worrying?" She said, "When they
get out of the accident stage." My mother just smiled
faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a
classroom during a parental open-house session and
was apalled to hear one of my children talking
incessantly and disrupting the class. I feared for my
child's future. As if to read my mind, the teacher said,
"Don't worry, they all go through this stage and then
you can sit back, relax and enjoy them." My mother,
who was also present, just smiled faintly and said nothing.

In my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone
to ring, the cars to come home, the front door to open.
A friend said, "They're trying to find themselves. Don't
worry. In a few years, you can stop fretting. They'll be
adults." My mother just smiled and said nothing.

By the time I was 50, I was sick and tired of being
vulnerable. I was still worrying over my children, but
there was a new wrinkle now; there was nothing I could
do about it. My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.
I continued to anguish over their problems, be tormented
by their frustrations and absorbed in their isappointments.

My friends said that when my kids got married I could
stop worrying and lead my own life. I wanted to believe
that, but I was haunted by my mother's warm smile and
her occasional, "You look pale. Are you all right? Are
you depressed about something? Call me the minute
you get home."

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of
worry? Is concern for one another handed down like
a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties and the
fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a
virtue that elevates us to the highest form of life?

One of my children became quite irritable recently,
saying to me, "Where were you? I've been calling
for 3 days, and no one answered. I was worried."
I smiled a warm smile. The torch had been passed.

Pass this on to other parents and, of course, to
your children.